Mother's Day

I know how hard relationships can be, I never really got on with my parents until after I returned from Maryland.  After two months of job hunting on foot, my Dad talked my uncle into giving me work. He never told me about it until I finally found a real job.  My Mother and I only bonded after my Dad died and I opened a travel agency hiring her as a bookkeeper. We worked together for over 12 years before she started having strokes. Sometimes it takes more time than it should.

Cowboy vs Machine

I am not a Luddite or a sabotour! I know that the round thing on my computer is not a cup holder. I also know enough that when I open my hood and see a large plastic piece covering the whole thing, to shut the hood. I simply do not have skills with machines in public places. I tried the auto check out at Walmart, after the machine yelled at me I yelled back. That attracted the human interface, after twice explaining it to me she took me to a human check out with my bread and milk. My latest adventure with machines is at the post office. Saturday Morning 10 Am I decide to buy a stamp. I took my trusty dollar bill and drove to the post office. Lo and behold not a creature was stirring , there were no other cars in the parking lot. I pulled up and as I was unfolding myself from the car a pickup pulls in with a Mexican flag on it. A nice young man gets out with a small box. I reach the door and hold it for him. That is the last nice thing that happens in this story. In he walks with a small square 4x4 inch box( opened!). Only one clerk is working, he hands her the box. She tapes it, weighs it, has him address it and gives him a price. "I need that certified'' he says and my world starts to come apart. She pulls out the form for certify saying "Since it's Mexico we will need to fill out customs forms, etc etc etc....." Pulling one form out of the stack with each mumble. To me she says if you just want a stamp there is a machine in the hallway.
Common sense abandons me at this point. I take my dollar and head to the machines. I approach the first machine and no matter how hard I look and poke no place seems to fit my dollar bill. Once I see the big sign that says automatic card machine do I understand, this machine doesn't want my money. Slowly I turn and there is a big beige machine with stamps in it. I find the place to put my dollar and it rejects it. I bend, twist, stuff and get the dollar to go. I push the numbers for one stamp. Nothing. I push the yes button. Then I see and electronic message, Change 63 cents do you wish more stamps? I push no. Sign changes, Do you want your change? I push yes, and hear coins drop. There under my left knee is the change box, where is my stamp? I look and lo and behold it is under my right knee. You might be guessing that I am the larger version of folk. My thumb is bigger than a stamp. Sticking out of this machine is about 1/4 of a stamp. I grasp it carefully and amazingly the whole stamp comes out. I reach over to retrieve my change and drop a quarter, rolling across the floor until picked up by the young man for whom I opened the door. Handing me the coin he says "Have a nice day" With those kind words I escape from the dreaded stamp machine.

Just rewriting the story of my life

I got a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend of mine the other
day.
We lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic nights we used
to enjoy together.
I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be interested in meeting
Up and rekindling a little of that `magic`.
"Wow!", I said, "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now! I'm a
bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw me!"
She just giggled and said she was sure I'd rise to the challenge!!!
"Yeah" I said, "just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistline
that's a few inches wider these days!"
She laughed and told me to stop being so silly!
She teased me saying that tubby bald men were cute!
"Anyway, I've put on a few pounds myself!" she giggled...................
I hung up!

Cute story

Subject: Ole and Sven


Bungee-jumping service in Mexico:


One day while they were bungee jumping, Ole says to Sven, "You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico.

Sven thinks it's a great idea, and so they pool their money and buy everything they'll need: a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc. They travel to Mexico and begin to set up their equipment on the town square. As they constructed the tower, a crowd began to assemble.

Slowly, more and more people gathered to watch them at work. When the tower was finished, the crowd was so large that Ole and Sven thought it would be smart to give a demonstration. They climbed the tower together. Ole strapped Sven into the harness -- and Sven jumped.

Sven bounced at the end of the cord, but when he came back up, Ole noticed he had a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, Ole couldn't grab him before he fell again. When he bounced up a second time, Sven was bruised and bleeding.

Again, Ole failed to catch him. Sven went down again and bounced back up. By the time Ole caught him, Sven was nearly unconscious, with a couple of broken bones.

Alarmed, Ole asked, "What happened?!? Was the cord too long?" Barely able to speak, Sven gasped, "No, the bungee cord is fine. It was the crowd...what the heck is a piñata???

I swore

I wrote something last week but must not have. We have been busy and I have not done half of what I'm supposed to do.

Speech

Ran the last blog as a speech for toastmaster Tuesday night. Some folks really liked it others objected to the language. I will be repeating it for contest around the state if it wins. I am almost through with my next speaking book. It helps to go to meetings and speak once every two weeks.

Just a ghost story

Years ago I invited my brother to visit me at where I was housesitting in Southern Maryland. He arrived just after dark one evening, I went to greet him as he was approaching the front door. He stopped dead in his tracks "Can't you hear that moaning?" at that instant I hear the most awful moan ooooohhh hooooo . "Let find out what that is?" I told him, "I'm not going another foot towards that house, until you stop him from screaming "(aaahhh ooohhh) The bloody awful racket continued unabated till 10PM. The next day I asked the help around the house what was going on. This was an old 16th Century house that had been added to and reconstructed several times in the 17th,18th and 19th and 20th centuries. I had been asked not to used a certain wing of the house when I started this job and never asked for an explanation. Now I wanted to know. I asked the elderly black man who did the yard work and set the fireplaces,"No sir, I's not about to speak 'bout that!" "You ask one o' the young folks they ai'nt so 'fraid." That really go me going. I asked the house manager, the answer worries me to this day. "That's the last mas'er this place ever had, that mean S.O.B. burned his self up, sent himself to the devil and he been howling ever since." I had to find out what this was all about. Maryland was a border state during the war, and many young men longed to join the rebel cause. Seems this young man swam his horse cross the Potomac River to fight with the Virginians. He was wounded, captured, sent home to die of his wounds. He lived although was bedridden. The family built an addition for him and provided him with servants. He was cruel and viscous with the folks sent to wait on him using buggywhips and switches on anyone within reach. One night fire broke out in that wing of the house,no one could or would rescuse the bedridden man and his screams could be heard until he died about 10PM. The wing was rebuilt in the late 20th century but the older staff members would not enter there day or night and family members only enter during the day. I still hear the screams as the man met his reward. OOOOOHHHHH AAHHHHH oooohh!